St. Jimmy
NBA Teams as Green Day Songs: Part 1
[Housekeeping note before we begin: I’m getting a notification that this post is too long for email. Just click the title to read the whole thing in a browser. Thanks!]
I’m a big fan of pop punk, specifically Green Day, and I had the opportunity to see the trio perform in Sydney last week. That had me listening more than usual, which is already a lot …
Anyway, I happened to be listening to American Idiot while watching a Warriors game ahead of the concert. For those not familiar with the artistic genius of Billie Joe Armstrong, American Idiot is a punk rock opera album with recurring characters, notably a "swaggering punk rock freedom fighter par excellence" named St. Jimmy.
I couldn’t help but start to draw the comparison between the fictional St. Jimmy and the Jimmy on my screen. Here’s a sample from the St. Jimmy story:
St. Jimmy's comin' down across the alleyway
Up on the boulevard like a zip gun on parade
Light of a silhouette, he's insubordinate
Comin' at you on the count of one, two
One, two, three, four!
… and then later in the song …
It's comedy and tragedy
It's St. Jimmy and that's my name
And don't wear it out
Jimmy Butler is certainly full of comedy, from his Big Face coffee exploits in the bubble to rocking country music on team buses and starring in a Fall Out Boy music video. Even the recent trade saga had it’s share of comedy, mostly thanks to Kevin Love’s excellent knowledge of movie memes. But that trade drama was more tragedy than comedy, and Jimmy’s worn out his name in a few NBA cities now.
Nevertheless, Golden State took a shot, and it seems to be working. The Warriors have won 11 of Jimmy’s first 12 games in the blue and yellow, and pundits are starting his canonization process.
So, if the Warriors song is St. Jimmy, what about the other NBA teams?
Miami Heat: Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
On the flip side of the Warriors acquiring Jimmy Butler is, of course, the Miami Heat. After bouncing between three teams in three years, I really thought Jimmy had found his home in Miami. He could play the way he wanted, let his personality shine, and he won some big games. He became “Playoff Jimmy” in Miami, leading the Heat to the post-season every year, including two runs to the Finals that no one expected from his group. During the second run in 2023, The Athletic wrote about “Heat culture”, making it clear Jimmy was the main driver: “That defiance, or downright stubbornness, when adversity hits is what ‘Heat Culture’ is all about, especially in this new phase with Butler at the forefront.”
Jimmy seemed to be having the time of his life in Miami. Until he wasn’t. And so the two sides said good riddance. Hopefully with time Heat fans will look back on Jimmy’s run and be able to say, “for what it’s worth, it was worth all the while.”
Los Angeles Lakers: Welcome to Paradise
Dear mother can you hear me whining?
It's been three whole weeks
Sincethat I left homewe won a championship
Ah, the city of angels. “One of the most flourishing habitations of man, which has been so highly favored and blessed”.1
Now, “Welcome to Paradise” is an ironic title. The main character describes it as “a wasteland I like to call my home” and notes the “cracked streets … and the broken homes”. LA has had similar struggles, with a history of civil unrest and corruption, poverty and racism, earthquakes and, of course, fires. But through it all, LA and this fictional Green Day city are still seen as paradises for many, both residents and Hollywood dreamers around the world.
More relevant to sports may be that “Welcome” part. LA is the premier destination for athletes of all sports, and LA teams always seem to be able to buy or recruit the stars needed to win a championship. Here’s a taste of what LA sports teams have done, just in the last few years:
Lakers: Signed LeBron James in 2018. Won the Finals two seasons later
Dodgers: Traded for Mookie Betts in 2020. Won the World Series that season
Rams: Won the trade for Matthew Stafford in 2021. Won the Super Bowl that season
Dodgers, again: Won the Shohei Ohtani sweepstakes in 2023, bidding a ridiculous $700,000,000. Won the World Series that season
LA doesn’t have to wait to win. Going back farther, Neil Paine documented the Lakers’ long history of welcoming the sport’s biggest stars to their paradise. Luka Dončić is just the latest generational talent to call LA his new home.
Honorable Mention: Father to a Son, for Bronny.
Dallas Mavericks: Boulevard of Broken Dreams
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one, and I walk alone
- Klay Thompson while staring longingly out of the plane window after his team’s fifth straight loss, probably.
The Mavericks made the Finals last year, and with one of the best players in the league Mavs fans were sleeping well at night, dreaming of Luka holding up the Larry O’Brien trophy in the near future.
Then the nightmares started.
The team sent Luka off to paradise in the craziest trade in league history, and got back a broken Anthony Davis in return. The Mavs lost their two Centers to injury around the same time, and now Kyrie is out for the season with a torn ACL.
This season is amounting to a series of broken dreams in Dallas.
Boston Celtics: Holiday
Oh I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives (whoa, oh, whoa, oh)
On holiday!
What about the team that started those broken dreams for the Mavericks by beating them in last year’s Finals? A big part of that Celtics championship run was thanks to the addition of Jrue Holiday. After years of promising Celtics teams not quite making it over the hump, Jrue (the 2023-24 team’s lone representative from California I might add) took the stage and won. He quickly replaced St. Patrick’s Day as Boston’s favorite holiday (ok maybe not for the good people of Southie) and signaled the dawning of a new era of Boston championship success.
Philadelphia 76ers: When I Come Around
I heard you crying loud, all the way across town
'Cause you been searching for that someone
And it's me out on the prowl
As you sit around feeling sorry for yourselfWell, don't get lonely now, and dry your whining eyes
I'm just roaming for the moment
Sleazin' my back yard so don't get
So uptight you been thinking about ditching meNo time to search the world around
'Cause you know where I'll be found
When I come around
A lot to Process2 here. The 76ers have been searching for that someone to be the cornerstone of their franchise since they traded away Jrue Holiday to begin “The Process” over a decade ago. The team thought they had finally found him on the other side of the world in Joel Embiid, their Cameroonian Center and an MVP-level player when he’s on the floor. Unfortunately, that’s not often thanks to a plethora of injuries. The team recently shut Embiid down for the season to heal a nagging knee injury, and now Philadelphia may be thinking about ditching Embiid entirely. But 12 years into The Process the team is out of time to find yet another replacement, and they’re left hoping Embiid comes back around.
New York Knicks: Are We The Waiting
Starry nights city lights
Coming down over me
Skyscrapers, stargazers in my head
Are we we are, are we we are
The waiting unknown
This dirty town was burning down in my dreams
Lost and found, city bound in my dreams
New York, New York. The city that never sleeps, and always seems to be in a rush to get to where they are going. New Yorkers don’t like to wait. And yet, the Knicks. It’s been decades since the Knicks had a real shot at the title, and for a while it didn’t look like there was another one coming anytime soon. But then Jalen Brunson emerged as Broadway’s biggest (male3) star, and now he and his friends from Villanova have made the Knicks the best they’ve been this century. Is it enough to take down the Celtics and Cavaliers and win the Eastern Conference? We’ll have to wait and see.
San Antonio Spurs: Wake Me Up When September Ends
Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends
San Antonio is also getting tired of waiting to get back to their winning ways. They’ve missed the playoffs each of the last five years after 22 consecutive post-season appearances. With Victor Wembanyama looking like everything we were told he would be in his second season, Spurs fans were getting ready to watch their team play important games in April and May. But those hopes were dashed with Wemby’s season-ending blood clot diagnosis. Now Spurs fans can tune out for another summer. Wake them up when Wemby is back for the 2025-26 season opener in October.
Oklahoma City Thunder: Jesus of Suburbia
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
In a land of make-believe
That don't believe in me
I’ve never been to Oklahoma City, but as far as NBA destinations go I’m guessing it feels more like suburbia than most:
Oklahoma City’s most famous resident, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, is having an all-time season, leading the league in scoring and his team to undisputed pole position in the Western Conference. Like Jesus Jaylen has done for the Knicks in the Big Apple, Shai has resurrected the Thunder, so I guess that makes him … the Jesus of Suburbia. He’s got the aura.
In terms of the lyrics comp, there’s nothing wrong with how Shai and the Thunder are playing. They’ve done everything the right way and are on pace for the most dominant season in NBA history. And yet, a lot of NBA media still don’t believe in him to win MVP or the team to win the Finals. Some of that has to do with an extraordinary player in Denver …
Denver Nuggets: Extraordinary Girl
She's an extraordinary
girl6’11” Serbian man
In an ordinary world
And she can't seem to get away
The NBA is made up of the highest echelon of basketball players in the entire world. Yet on a nightly basis, a guy from Sombor, Serbia makes them look ordinary. There are a million different stats I could throw out here (I recently wrote about his passing, and that was before he set the record for most assists by a Center in the NBA’s first ever 30-20-20 game), but suffice it to say the numbers and highlight tapes that Jokić produces are increasingly ridiculous. He is extraordinary.
And he just wants to go home to his horses, but can’t seem to get away.
Sacramento Kings: She’s a Rebel
From Chicago to Toronto
She's the one that they call ol' Whatsername
She's a symbol of resistance
And she's holdin' on my heart like a hand grenade
Well this just fits too perfectly for the Kings mid-range rebel, DeMar DeRozan. DeRozan was drafted by the Toronto Raptors in 2009, the same year Steph Curry entered the league. Curry would become the leader of the NBA’s three-point revolution, almost entirely killing the mid-range game. When these guys entered the league, NBA teams took the same number of shots from beyond the three-point arc as they did in the so-called mid-range, the area from 16 feet from the basket to the three-point line. Today, fewer than 5% of shots are taken from the mid-range, with over 40% from three.
If Curry was the revolution’s leader, DeMar DeRozan is the symbol of resistance. DeRozan became the king of the mid-range during his nine years in Toronto and three in Chicago4 before landing in Sacramento this year. Now an actual King, DeRozan is maintaining his mid-range rebel status.
Charlotte Hornets: All By Myself
Oh yeah, did I mention?
I was all by myself
LaMelo Ball is near the top of the league in usage rate for the 16-win Charlotte Hornets. With Grant Williams, Brandon Miller, and Tre Mann all out for the season, LaMelo really is all by himself.
Washington Wizards: 2000 Light Years Away
Lookout as far as I can
I can't see her, but in the distance
I hear some laughter, we laugh togetherI hold my breath and close my eyes and
Dream about her
'Cause she's 2000 light-years away
The Washington Wizards are one of just two teams worse than the Hornets this year. In fact, the Wizards are one of the worst teams in NBA history. They are miles and miles away from winning, and don’t seem to be getting any closer. Look out as far as you like into the future of the NBA. Even if you squint, do you really see the Washington Wizards holding up the trophy? I’m not holding my breath.
Brooklyn Nets: Too Dumb Too Die
I'm hanging on a dream that's too dumb to die
I feel like a cello
Lost somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high, too scared to dream
But too dumb to die
At least you can say the Wizards are fully leaning into their current position. If they’re going to be bad, might as well be the worst so they can raise their odds in the Cooper Flagg sweepstakes at the draft. The Brooklyn Nets are too dumb have too much honor to lay down like that. While it’s admirable on the individual level, it leaves the team in a weird spot: too bad to win, but too good to get better. They’re feeling like a cello.5
New Orleans Pelicans: Give Me Novocaine
Take away the sensation inside
Bittersweet migraine in my head
It's like a throbbing toothache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore
The Pelicans entered the season projected to win ~46 games. They’re now on pace for less than half of that. That is, somehow, even more of a disappointment than the 76ers as both Neil Paine and Jared Dubin have written about. A lot of that underperformance is due to injuries to their stars: all of the Pelican’s top five players have missed significant time this season, and four are still out. Give this team some numbing medicine and get them healthy for next year.
Utah Jazz: The Forgotten
Well, don't look away from the arms of a bad dream
Well, don't look away, sometimes you're better lost than to be seen
Has anyone heard anything about basketball being played in Salt Lake City this year? If you asked me to name all the NBA teams, there’s a good chance I forget the Jazz. They’re bad, at 15-50, but the Hornets and Wizards seem to take up all the air time set aside for bad teams. Maybe it’s better for the Jazz to have gotten lost in the NBA media storm than to be seen.
Bonus Track
NBA Announcer Mike Breen: Bang Bang
BAAAAAANGG!!!!
There you have it for Part 16 of NBA Teams as Green Day songs. I probably spent a little too much time making connections that were not at all meant to exist. I guess that leaves me as the ...
According to a 19th century Los Angeles guidebook subtitled “A Full and Accurate Description of Climate, Fertility of Soil, Place of Resort, and Objects of Interest, Etc Etc Etc”. Forgive me for not quoting the full title above.
I couldn’t help myself.
Sabrina Ionescu, Breanna Stewart, Jonquel Jones, and company just won the NY Liberty’s first championship this century, something Brunson is still dreaming about for the Knicks.
And three in San Antonio, but that’s not in the song so let’s forget about it for now.
I actually have no idea what this means.
Part 1 of 1 in all likelihood.
Tossing it out there....Bulls steal 'Holiday' from Jrue for the 'Chelsea Dagger' remix we've all been waiting for 😏